


Dragon Scales

by JuweWright



Series: 30 for 30 [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dialogue-Only, F/M, Fluff, Fred Weasley Lives, Fun, Post-War, Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-17 18:57:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13665228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuweWright/pseuds/JuweWright
Summary: A delivery to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes leads to a bit of banter between co-workers Fred and Hermione.“Did you just say ‘troll dung’?”





	Dragon Scales

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aebaker311](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aebaker311/gifts).



> This was a shitload of fun to write. It’s part of the “30 for 30” series. And was promped by Aebaker311.
> 
> The prompt was: Fremione, Post Hogwarts, Hermione works at the shop
> 
> The “30 for 30 series” means that I asked people to throw prompts at me as a challenge for my 30th birthday and I am going to write stories for 30 of these prompts throughout the next few months.

[Hermione is normal, _Fred is in Italics_.]

 

 

_ “Hermione, where did you put the boxes Charlie brought in yesterday?” _

“Second shelf to the left. And I looked inside.”

_ “I feared that you would do that.” _

“There’s dragon scales in them.”   


_ “Yes, there might be… _ ”   


“And dragon scales are officially declared dangerous goods and therefore need to be properly labelled before import. There should be a stack of paperwork stating the exact amount of scales and the purpose of them, and guess what…”

_ “Aye…?” _

“There are no papers. Not in the box, not on the box, not beside the box, not on the desk, not in the drawers, not anywhere in the whole bloody shop. I did a search spell and it came up with - nothing.”

_ “I figured you might have done that.” _

“Stop grinning, Fred Weasley. You had your brother smuggle a ton of dragon scales from Romania to England. Do you know you could get imprisoned for this? That isn’t even borderline illegal, it’s an actual crime.”

_ “Unless you spill the beans to any ministry officials, nobody will ever know.” _

“You are hopeless!”

_ “Yap. Totally and utterly hopeless-ly in love with you, Hermione Granger.” _

“Stop it. You’re only trying to distract me.”   


_ “Distract you, seduce you, shag you senseless on the carton pile in the storage room…” _

“No way, Weasley.”

_ “There were a lot of deliveries last week, it’s quite a big and comfy carton-pile.” _

“You are not getting out of this so easily.”

_ “I noticed.” _

“What are the damned scales for anyways?”

_ “George came up with something.” _

“Which would be?”   


_ “Magical Mystery Mints.” _

“And…?”

_ “There’s five different types and they turn you into a creature for about ten seconds. There’s Phoenix-Pastilles, Dragon-Breezers, Unicorn-Chews, Hippogriff-Bons and Troll-Drops.” _   


“And it works? I mean, this is massively advanced transfiguration.”

_ “It works, as long as you have a piece of the creature. It’s a combination of transfiguration and George’s advanced polyjuice potion recipe.” _

“I’m not sure if I want teenagers turning into trolls or dragons even if it’s only for ten seconds. And I’m not sure if the ministry would be happy about this.”   


_ “When has the ministry ever successfully stopped any of Weasley Wizard Weezes products?” _

“They stopped the Pukey-Poo-Pastilles.”   


_ “Yes, because they came with the added bonus of the puking and pooing not stopping after a while without a trip to St Mungos being necessary. The re-release with the new recipe went through the controls just fine. Also. You have to admit that teenage-wizards are pretty much already trolls. If they turn into a real life one for ten seconds, the difference won’t even be that noticeable.” _

“So the reason why you need dragon scales…”

_ “... is the same reason why I need unicorn hair, hippogriff feathers, troll dung and phoenix ash.” _

“Did you just say ‘troll dung’?”

_ “It’s dried. It doesn’t smell.” _

“You put troll dung into candy?”

_ “Into mints, but you get the picture.” _

“Remind me that I do not want to test these things ever in my life. And also don’t tell me which box the troll dung is in.”

_ “I should tell you. Otherwise you might open it by accident some day.” _ _   
_

_ “Don’t argue with me.”   
_

_ _ “I don’t want to argue with you, oh brightest and cleverest witch on this planet and also accidentally most beautiful and marvellous love of my life. I’d much rather shag you on the carton-pile…” _ _

“You’re insufferable.”   


_ “Yap and you’re turned on, Granger. I know that look.” _

“In your dreams, Weasley.”

_ “Oh, you are always in my dreams, honey, but you know that. And guess what, we already tried out the carton pile in my dreams and it was glorious.” _

“I hate you.”

_ “No you don’t. And we both know you don’t. _ ”

“How the hell did I end up with you?”

_ “Oh, you don’t remember? Well, there was a dinner at my mum’s place and Ron was being a git and I decided that whatever was between you was pretty much over and I could finally charm you into obedience after lusting after you for half a decade.” _

“You didn’t like me for that long.”

“ _ You have no idea.” _

“Liar.”

_ “I loved you before Ron even noticed you were a girl. Let’s leave it at that.” _

“That was in fourth year.”

_ “And right you are. Although I already liked you in third year. Who wouldn’t be smitten by the girl who punches Draco Malfoy in the face?” _

“That was a great moment.”

_ “I am still gutted I wasn’t there to witness it. But I have a vivid imagination…” _

“Oh yeah?”

_ “Yeah. For example, I can totally imagine how you look under that sweater of yours.” _

“But is that true? You liked me since third year?”

_ “Seriously, Hermione, I never understood why there weren’t at least a dozen guys kneeling at your feet, begging for you to take note of them.” _

“You never said anything…”

_ “I thought you’d never say yes to a boy who wants to run a joke-shop. You were pretty … aloof back then.” _

“...”

_ “...” _

“Fred?”

“ _ Yeah?” _

“That carton pile you were talking about. I’d like to test how comfy it really is.”

 

THE END


End file.
